Today I want to put an end to the myth: “All people are inherently good”. Beep. Or “Since we are all made the same we must all be the same”. Beep. (For wrong again!)
There are good and bad people . There are good and bad foods. There’s even good and bad way of life. The battle of good and bad is ongoing. Are there more good foods than bad ones? If you count unhealthy choices such as candy and cereals, then no. There are more bad ones, to be fair. But for the sake of argument, let’s take in nature, there are edible and poisonous plants so which ones are more abundant? I would say non-edible ones prevail, but some will argue it’s a 50-50 situation.
Where am I going with this? Sooner or later we are all bound to meet bad people. When I say bad people, I mean selfish and toxic people who mean us intentional harm. They want to sting you, to blame you. They are the happiest when you are down.
And such people walk amongst us, have similar lives with us, share the same hobbies with us and go to the same jobs as us. You would think you would get along great, because hey, you have so much in common. Unfortunately for you, you and a serial killer may have the same favorite show; eat and prepare the same foods ; share an identical lifestyle,go to bed and get up at the same time; or have the same taste in politics! Yet…You and He are inherently different. Whilst you see rainbows and butterflies and hope for the world peace, this person is corrupted and rotten inside – he is a moral cancer , unable to love, feel empathy, or to care for anyone in this world but his own selfish needs – manipulative and cunning, just like an undercover sleeper agent, this person lurks amongst us, harboring vengeful thoughts of which you and I have NO CLUE, as we sweetly mumble “Good night” and shut our eyes to sleep in blissful slumber. To this very person, right now, you are the biggest enemy, you are his fellow people with whom he so well identified and blended in, like a chameleon , and for which he hates you so.
Yes I want to open your eyes to his existence, because “bad apples” are not as rare as you might think. Bad people actually outnumber the good ones, but for the sake of argument, there are at the very least 50-50 of good vs bad in the world, as of this writing. To be blind to this fact, is to willingly refuse the news in the morning and pretend that nothing happened. Just because we choose to be ignorant does not cancel the fact, that there are 50% of bad apples living and breathing amongst us… This might spur you to be less loving to your neighbours, which is not where I am going with this… Being loving and well-wishing is great: we all have “potential”, a seed for greatness..It’s a sign that you are one of US , the good-apple “white” army. But not being cautious is just stupid and so please be aware of the fact that we are only at 50% of all you meet, and GUARD YOUR HEART, guard your sympathies against “dark army”, don’t be so gullible and easy as to fall prey to others agenda. Don’t accept unsolicited advice, or help you didn’t ask for. Don’t let yourself to be persuaded into harms way. Live independent life, and guard your loyalty. Dark soldier might only bring you a heartbreak,a disappointment, an illusion and mental fog. This might be how you got off easy, if there was no agenda. But if you are a part of his/her plan, you stand to lose far more than your .peace..I an talking about your sanity and even your life.
So what if you meet such a osoldier on your part of life? Good for you! They are not rare. You can guard your sympathies, by never letting such a person too close… Chances are, you already have such a dark soldier in your life… Either as a sleeper agent (in which case he still has something to gain from you) or fully revealed toxic entity (this means he realized that you saw him for who he truly is ).
True relationships take time. 50% is a staggering statistics, far cry for commonly perceived 20%.
Signing out today, with a valuable lesson/food for thought –
All my life I was afraid to make a choice. I was afraid to make a wrong choice. It was more like fear of missing out! So in a store when I had several choices I just put both items in my cart and said: I’ll take them all! That’s right. Salespeople love me. My mind gets tired of constant comparison of features.
So just like in dating, I decided to make a choice to NOT MAKE A CHOICE. I’ll take them all…
So in choosing a Dashcam, I decided to try out each unit for as long as the store will allow (15-30 days), then return and repeat a process. That way, I am off the hook for making a final decision – since I am in the process of selecting…. A process which may never end.
To me this is the only viable solution to painstaking madness. In Latin I believe the word Decision means, “to cut”. We essentially eliminate other choices by choosing something once.
Some will say I do not trust myself… But trust is something you earn. I have only one life, and choices are rather abundant. So rather than put myself down for not being the blade wielding samurai who decisively cuts out things out of his decision-making path, I consciously chose A BETTER WAY. No more cutting – this ends the violence and gives everybody a fighting chance!!!
I think it made me a better person – by realizing my weakness and turning it into strength! The process is no longer painful. Sure, there will be times in life where I won’t be able to “claim it all”! Perhaps when buying a house. Or tying the knot, if it was ever to happen. But in most cases I can find my way to make an honest decision to choose it all – if not at once, then in a cue! It’s not so hard. Then after owning everything for a little while, it becomes not so important what is to come, the finality of the situation. You can always say: “THIS IS THE BEST DECISION FOR THIS TIME”. Think about it : if we can’t duplicate ourselves, we may as well take advantage of what’s at hand, in a tempting situation.
Random ThoughtsI don’t do coffee dates. In my lifetime, coffee cups have done enough embarrassing things to me in order for me to know better – including but not limited to : sudden spit in my face; splatter on my shirt or pants; or do that weird one line squirt across the room. Whoever invented coffee cups, had a devious sense of humor. You get enough coffee for your buck for a small shower.
Which brings me to a rather scary thought that I should probably quit coffee. There are alternatives now such as a caffeine pills and herbal concoctions.
While we are also on the subject of dating. I like dating now but I am still not ready for a relationship. After a rather mind crumbling breakup in August 2015, I’ve picked up pieces and finally recovered, but it has been a long and windy journey. Many brick fortresses have been built up around my heart – ditches have been dug up; “Do not enter” signs posted. This whole experience has taught me many lessons but also got me back to ME: I am alone and happy in my skin. Dating is fun, but I’ve become a serial dater without any desire to get too close. I became focused on my life, my Goals and aspirations , and decided to explore a relationship with myself instead.
For Example I discovered a new motto: “Custom Life. Build it. Live it.” I suppose I could create my own universe with my own microclimate 🙂
So let me explain when I said custom life, I decided to DIY everything in my life. One day I’ll build my own house but for now… Build THINGS around the house that are unique. Grow my own vegetables. Paint my car. Hell, I would be even open to the possibility of buying a sewing machine and making my own custom clothing. I am talking about creating a unique life with unique experience, unlike anyone else who shops at the same shops we all do. The key here I am making it – not buying it ready to consume. Easy life is for suckers. I am somewhat romantically inclined toward the Renaissance Era and the Amish way of living. Those people are brave for ditching the umbilical cord of convenience, and embracing the discomfort real life can bring..I am taking myself out of the aquarium and into the ocean.. Sure, there are sharks in the ocean. But the experience is RAW and real. We modern people cherish and baby ourselves too much. No real strength can come out of incubator. I watch “Naked and Afraid” and sympathize with those real men and real women: they are there recognizing the raw and brutal power of nature…and many still don’t realize how far off we’ve come in our expectations. Nature can never be tamed!.
And so away I go into the riskier and more of an unsafe category than originally thought. Is it out of boredom? Or is it the inner Magellan in me waking up on the inside?..
It is all for the better.
I ve only been rambling on and on how to stay calm in the face of any emotional earthquake but today I want to go beyond that. It’s easy to judge others and provide an outsider perspective – when we are given distressing news the first impulse is to react. When we are hit (emotionally), we want to punch back! But… It never works out in our favor that way. Instead, it’s either the situation takes hold of you (the demon possesses you), or you take hold of the situation. Which one is it going to be?..
But HOW do you take control? I will discuss such examples.
1.Disarming the Shock Bomb with “I already know” or “I already know (this shock bomb) but did you know (return shock bomb)?
Saying I already know and following with your own shock bomb is even more effective – “Yes of course I know of this; but did YOU know THAT?”
If we are being deliberately attacked: “I am a lover your partner is cheating on”, or other shocking, unbelievable news you can’t possibly trust, it’s best to smile and say: “I already know, I am so sorry that she or he used you. This poor person is a recovering sex-oholic and they just can’t help it. Please get checked.”
2.Disarming the Shock Bomb with Mirroring+Return Shock Bomb.
Example2. Breakup News are a form of a shock bomb, but since they are a wake up call to you – a person who failed to break up with this person FIRST and was acting too patient and forgiving… There’s a way to save a face!!!
“I am so sorry it’s over… It’s not you it’s me…” But most commonly they will say “I still love you BUT…” And some madeup excuse.
“Oh baby I am very sorry too. Thanks so much for this. Truth be told I wanted to break up last time we met but chickened out… This was gonna be my second try but you read my
Mind and beat me to it! Whew! Thanks so much! The feeling is mutual!” And hug them/be on your way. The person will probably be stunned as they failed to shock you and got shocked instead. What? You are…grateful instead of angry? That is an unexpected response, and totally qualifies as a “RSB” or return shock bomb.
3.Disarming the Shock Bomb when you are informed of something disagreeable to you in front of other person/peoples. The Group Shock Bomb can only be disarmed 1-on-1!!!
This applies to a group situation where a leader or authority figure informs you that he made the decision to do something disagreeable to you. Don’t react in anger. Can you start a group discussion and start politics/polling for votes? No and no, because there’s a chance the other person will disagree with you and you will be outnumbered.
“We will now start performing a horrible group activity”
“Can I speak with you in private please?” While smiling.
Walk away from a group, then in a low voice explain that the whole group will absolutely not do it and the why’s. Speak for the whole group but with concern for the groups safety and wellbeing. If Mr Hitler doesn’t comply, walk directly to his supervisor and make a formal complaint against him.
4.Uncertainty SB. You are assuming that a Shock Bomb is handed to you but it’s not very clear. If you touch it, it will blow up just like the bomb you imagined it to be, but this is the case of FEAR materializing. Easy! If the person delivering it, is not sure it’s a bomb, it’s not.
Paraphrase what the person just told you, word-for-word. Acknowledge it “OK”. Say nothing more of the subject and change to a positive subject. Smile and carry on happily, as if it didn’t bother you.
Hard I know. Uncertainty bomb is the worst because it feels just like the bomb only lacking direct wording. Assuming it’s a fake prop and acknowledging someone’s uncertain feelings is hard. Some people take uncertainty for cowardliness, and will egg them on: “Come on let me just say it for you, you want a divorce am I right? And you want kids and the house?” W R O N G!
An uncertain person wants for YOU to make a decision. They will just agree with anything you’ll say at this point: “Yes, you got it”. When a person in doubt has no clarity to deliver to you, they got NOTHING. They are lost, in need of guidance. The fact that they came to you means something. They need you to hold their hand, reassure them with your own confidence but NO DIRECT WORDING and no confrontation.
Don’t be harsh to you both by treating a fake prop, a fear or a doubt, like the Shock Bomb (it is not).
Exorcise the demon of fear! Disarm the Uncertainty Bomb by a simple OK (paraphrase it and show that you understand that they are lost at this time). It’s OK to be afraid and to have doubts – don’t hold it against them. Don’t tell them “I thought better of you than this coward slug I am seeing”.
I am telling you in all 4 cases there’s never an understanding, always an outrage. How can they do this to me after all I’ve done?… But, pray for understanding to come and it WILL COME at a later date.
Know one reason only: It came to you today to make you a stronger person, a better person, to carve you into a super-hero shape from this clay-mush shape you are in. So be a Man, Super Hero, a Role Model and handle the Shock Bomb with care and confidence. YES YOU CAN!!!
This post will hopefully build on my other posts where I talk about MODERN SOCIETAL MENTALITY:
Chase Pleasure. Avoid Pain.
I have talked about pain before – it is just a FEELING like any other, so you can’t really make any decisions in life based on the fact that there’s a possibility of pain, – you cannot chase FEELINGS whether they be good or bad. Why? Because they are one and the same animal. That’s right, they are BOTH the same child of your brain but from the animal kingdom. Because this child is from the animal kingdom, it’s impossible to rationalize or understand them: there’s no rhyme nor reason to feelings, only primal instincts and reactions which we sometimes relate to survival. Soggy feelings such as sadness and depression are hard (sometimes impossible) to understand. Anger is justifyable and easy to understand, yet because it comes and goes so quickly and clouds our minds, is NOT a good asset. In fact if you make a decision based on anger, you are bound to regret it later, when your pet animal is gone. So what can we learn from dealing with feelings;
1.They come quickly like the wind, and can seem intense, in trying to influence our Human Brain. Imagine your large pet-dog, a pitbull named BIlly, jumping on you and trying to convince you to take him out for a walk. It’s entirely up to YOU whether you listen to your dog, or you tame your dog and make him listen to you. But the moral of the story is: YOU DON”T HAVE TO. In fact, I urge you NOT TO. You may or may not love your feelings, but you still have to be the one in control. Example of this is people who enjoy to be scared and thrill-seekers who love roller-coasters, horror houses, horror movies, ect. They intentionally put themselves into situations where they experience intense feelings, in this case of fear, but they are entirely in CONTROL. So these people are like a good pet owners who are taking their pets for a scheduled walk – rather than letting their pets run their house and run away whenever they please. You can still love your pets and be a good master. If you love your feelings and want to nurture them, great! SCHEDULE times when you will do so, and feel to your heart’s content.
2.In case with pain, this is easy to comprehend. This “pet” is only loved by a handful of people on earth, namely masochists. The majority of people despise and hate pain, so this animal has a tremendous power of influence, just by the threat of appearing! This feeling can make you do ANYTHING. Think about it. Pain is unpleasant and scary and SO POWERFUL by association with death (again a primal feeling, since you can train animals easily by using a whip) that it’s a no-brainer that it made into human subconscious. But it can be harnessed! Winners are not afraid of pain because they don’t live their lives nurturing their little pets. Winners are “of this world” because they are less selfish and they have humanitarian goals that are REAL and material. If you are to belong to the real world, then letting go of your attachment to feelings and taking control, is THE WAY TO GO. Don’t be afraid of your feelings – just recognize them for what they are, and every time they make way into your consciousness, you can simply dismiss them: “I know who you are. Now, shoo. I have some grown-up work to do here. We’ll play later.”
3.Now in case of PLEASURE SEEKING, I will probably meet a lot of opposition here, because we people just love our fun and leisure time. I may get shot trying to prove you otherwise – with counter-arguments being, “we live to be happy”, “happiness is a meaning of life”, “do what makes you happy”. It won’t be a stretch to say that we live in a HAPPINESS ORIENTED SOCIETY. Just like it’s beneficial for pharmaceutical companies to keep us all drugged up, so is for the few “in-power” people to tell you to keep on chasing your little joy-rides here and there, instead of laser-focusing on achieving large goals, rather that driving the society somewhere, you should be concerned only with your own skin. The truth is there can be only so many people in power (very few). So what’s to do for the millions of “masses”? Well, for them we have cheap and not-so-cheap entertainment, movies, Facebook, roller coasters, gadgets and porn. You can chase accessible pleasures, buy iPads and collect vintage cars – whatever it IS that makes you ‘happy’ – i.e. whatever will make your brain go numb, and the “fuzzy feelings” activated, will FOOL you into false sense of fulfillment. It’s a distraction, nothing more.
Talk about our entrapment on the physical plane. These “fuzzy feelings” are just as dangerous as the “saber-toothed feelings” , because they CONTROL US via our desires!!!
TO RELEASE YOUR ATTACHMENT TO YOUR HAPPINESS IS TO RELEASE THE CHAINS THIS WORLD HAS CAST UPON US. The poisonous venom of PLEASURE intoxicates us into this world and takes us under it’s spell with the ILLUSION of this world and the promise of TRUE happiness. But it’s not true happiness. Only ACHIEVEMENT and it’s evolved pet-animal TRIUMPH (otherwise known as satisfaction) , spell the true happiness and the destination of successful journey from point A to point B, measured in TIME units.
How many of us tell themselves at night: “If only I had more things that gave me pleasure! To be happier, I need a new AppleWatch. Or an iPhone. Or a bike. Or a new shiny car. Or a better man/woman. Or “that” house. Whatever your particular craving maybe!!!.” But of course, that leads to more insatiable desires. You get the new phone, and a newer version comes out. Your car becomes the old news. You get a divorce. You move from New York to California, for United States to the Foreign Lands. Talk about seeking for Greener Pastures….
ALL THAT….IN THE NEVER ENDING PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.
But if you have been reading my blog, you should be getting my drift by now. Hopefully, little by little, you are waking up. For WE CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH. We have been fooled by our own feelings (primal instincts, an old operating system of the brain, our creative children, but I like to call them our brain’s PET ANIMALS) because we gave them far too much importance and power in our lives. Only their conscious HUMAN counterpart, the driver at the wheel, is capable of stripping us of the objects of our desires, revealing a somber truth. And the truth is…
NOTHING OF THIS WORLD GIVES US SECURITY AND PERMANENCE. NOTHING OF THIS MATERIAL WORLD LASTS. WE ARE BORN NAKED AND WE LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH NOTHING.
And I didn’t just come up with this, folks. This is the ancient wisdom of Maya. I am only the voice. Just how do you apply it depends on how evolved you are and your willingness to grow.
Let us review the 4 states of everything that exists in this vast Universe:
Every reality can be described in the following 4 categories:
I will complicate things further by adding 4 more verbs:
As we know the fractional theory that everything in the Universe is build based on the same matrix. Yet even the smallest non-living stone has it’s own, however primitive, consciousness and principle. So this simple principle is always communicated through the material, communicating itself through its vibration. We all vibrate on our own level.
So I have been sounding off to you, my readers. about the rhymes and reasons of our existence. But we all have our OWN tools of perception of the outside world. One of them, undoubtedly, is a THOUGHT (which characterizes an intelligent being). And yet we are NOT all very intelligent, and not all decision-making where the thought is present, is intelligent.
So what I want to ask yourself today is:
Is the thought an INSTRUMENT to get across a FEELING (because it should be visa versa)? If so, write down WHAT FEELING?. Is it a feeling of:
- Hurt, anger?
- Fear, love?
- Greed, jealousy?
- Responsibility, unity?
Notice that the feeling (emotion) is always connected to the material. Just like the MATERIAL AND NON-MATERIAL WORLDS ARE NATURALLY INTERCONNECTED – reflecting on the dual nature of this world. Number 4 is so selfless and so rare, that only 1 in thousands will have it, as this rare type thinks of the whole, rather than in parts, and has the ability to DEVELOP and create something new, and has the ability to lead.
But more than anything, writing down the feeling should prompt you to “catch the beast” and tame your animal, your emotion as the driving force behind your decisions/actions.
By giving this animal a MASTER – one who controls him, it’s possible to harness and control the amount of “energy” you have, and achieve more than you ever dreamt of.
This will be a short know-how of how to deal with your brain freeze. It’s not uncommon even for people of a superior intellect with a super-high IQ, to freeze up and draw a complete blank (“the black screen of death”) – when brain computes in one of those old DOS command-prompts a simple phrase: I DONT KNOW.
This post will address the I don’t know cure, and you can try it yourself and let me know how it worked for you. Give it a Like if it did, or let me know how you’ve dealt with it!
So I’ll get to the cure: if your brain refuses to compute and you are drawing a total blank, the best thing to do is to stop thinking about YOU (to become totally detached), and act only in best interests of the person/ or problem you are dealing with. You can even imagine that you are wearing the red cape and you are a superhero of your choice (Batman, Superman and Spiderman are my all time favorites).
Now, there are SOME people who are naturally empathetic who love to sacrifice themselves in some noble helpfulness. My Neighbour C. is such a person – he helps me to install my furniture, carry stuff, and even alerts me of fire hazards. When he sees “suspicious activity”, he is not the one to ignore it. Oh and it would insult him if you offered him any sort of gift – he helps just because he wants to be useful. He is a prime example of a Christian who loves his brother/neighbour as he does himself. I am truly lucky with my neighbours 🙂
Anyways, back to the cure, you have to enter a superhero mode and “SOLVE A PROBLEM” by taking a complete responsibility and that means you must make a decision yourself (don’t let the other person make a decision and don’t ask them to) . Another caveat: be helpful by all means and go out of your way, to solve a problem YOURSELF, but do not seek an immediate reward. Just be the boss of the situation, be the HERO and save the day. The reward will come later – trust me. Even if it seems like a “lost cause”. The key is to be completely selfless in this MOMENT of helplessness, and take charge. And yes, it takes courage to be the hero!!!
What’s the difference btw the winner and the loser?
1.The winner jumps over an obstacle, the loser lets the obstacle overcome him. Focus on overcoming a problem, BE the solution, and don’t seek a reward(this is what I have learned many times over).
2.The winner takes charge, the loser let’s others take charge, thus becoming helpless, becoming a victim of circumstances. If you make a pact to always take charge, I can guarantee you that helplessness will get replaced with feeling in control and being empowered.
3.The winner has patience and leaves emotions out of the equation while the loser loses his marbles and becomes too frustrated to deal with something. (The winner is in control of his emotions, the loser is a slave to his emotions).
4. The winner can, the loser can’t. I just will say, you will hear the loser loud and clear, because they complain, blame others, and often become defensive – they are “passive-aggressive”, while the winners are “active-assertive” and rather than focusing on the “why it was too hard”, they focus on finding the right answer. Losers will spare no detail explaining and exaggerating a problem so it seems bigger than it really is.
5. The winner is not afraid to lose, and thus they take more risks. I will expand further on this – the winners are again in control of their base emotion, which is fear. The losers DON’T ACT, they await for the right moment and sit on the fence (can’t decide).
Hmmm. A footnote – It’s more than OK to pause and do your DUE DILIGENCE, researching your subject matter to the full extent so that your actions are based on solid data, rather than hearsay and a wonderful spiel. Remember: “not all is gold that glitters”!
SO I don’t 100% agree with this statement because we can’t blindly agree to everything just because “we have no fear” or we want to risk thousands of dollars for the sake of being bold. We absolutely must take CALCULATED risks, but BE SMART ABOUT IT.
More Winners Vs Losers coming up.
Good night peeps!
Stay in control.
Your sibling in transformation,
We’ve been programmed /wired/ with our “old operating system” to get pleasure and avoid pain. In fact, pain is so uncomfortable we will do almost anything to rid of it. Once I put it out there I realized once more how primitive we are and how attached to our “children” – here we go again, Phoenix is gonna give another lecture on harm from FEELINGS!!! Yes and don’t mind if I do!!! I am a strong believer in higher consciousness and discipline – and this can only be achieved when your brain is not detrimented, and your focus is not weakened. Focus is the power of energy. And feelings is the only uncontrollable force that stands in the way of a rational and calm human being and a fearful “nervous” animal. If I could kill that animal, I would. If I could hire a designer and cut out all but a bunchful of feelings like some tangled up wires with my wire cutters , I would do so in a heartbeat! Feelings are my enemies – and I try as hard as I can to fight them.
While exercise, working, and physical activity helps, I still wish there was an OFF switch to sad, glad, mad. I am actually going to try meditation this week to dis-attach myself and experience complete calm, like the calm of still lake… Not a wave! Not one feeling. Just determination to succeed and be satisfied – instead of ape’s constant drive “to please himself”, and to base his every decision on what feels good; I make the decision on “what is the healthiest choice”… I make the decision to learn to be smarter, tougher, and more evolved from the primitive ape!!! I also want to be closer to God – God is the calm storm himself, and we have nothing but a very old 10-rule testament to guide us. God really needs to update his “website!!! ” Quite some time has passed. How about: “Thou shall not feel”? We could really avoid murder with this one(just stop feeling angry). How to we prevent lying? Stop feeling fear. How do we stop cheating? Stop doubting. Stop coveting at your neighbours wife? Stop feeling lustful and self-entitled.
It is this easy. Feelings are good for the theatre – where they are paid for. Or the movies, where tears run like rivers threatening to destroy cities (btw I hate watching those drama-filled tear-jerkers). Are you going to miss your feelings? Try it! Try living the anti-feeling life for yourself, simply dismissing emotions like the wind because they don’t matter, they are not important, and they are as fleeting as the weather. (And just as destructive!) It’s not necessary to get yourself from sad to happy – if you are sad (which happens sometimes for no reason, even to me), you say to yourself:”I have NO feelings”, and carry on!
Adopting indifferent attitude towards happy, sad, or shocking events is the key to mastering your inner animal and embracing, loving, and trusting your HUMAN SELF!!!
Adopting such an attitude doesn’t make you a robot. On the opposite it makes you smarter and helps you make better, rational decisions. Listen to your brain! Love your brain! Make friends with your brain – not your brain’s pet! And rewards will be numerous. I already noticed an unhealthy level of distrust to myself, questioning myself without my touchy-feeley self. But I am finding it more and more liberating each day, it’s definitely working for me or I would have already quit. 🙂
I hope to have peaked your curiosity and wishing you evolutionary progress whenever you might be ~~>
A while back (in August) I have lived through the hardest separation of my life. I don’t like to talk about it now, but it has put me through hell and back three times..So how to let go and how to stop loving somebody? Once you stop loving somebody, letting go is easy.
First let me tell you what NOT to do:
- Being angry – anger as we know only masks the pain. And if we ache over someone, we still love them.
- Being hateful or vengeful – the best revenge to the situation is your own “happiness”.
- Feeling sorry for yourself – yes, you can wallow in pain and self pity, you can scream: Why, God, whuaaaaaii? And call all your friends. But in reality you can CHOOSE not to go there, just by staying busy and making a conscious decision to move on and pretend this person has never existed.
- Holding on to pain – oh what a “fun stage”. I have even (gasp) compared myself to Jesus in his dedication to endure pain from the hands of unworthy people, but come on…Jesus did it for a cause. There’s no reward in being broken-hearted. It may feel like your chest is being ripped up open and there’s shrapnel from the World War 2 in there. It may feel as if you are bleeding on a cross, and that your pain is almost holy-like. It may feel like this pain is self-righteous and dignified. BUT FACE THE TRUTH – IT”S NOT. IT’S JUST PAIN – like toothache, or a headdache, but more like a bleeding wound…only if you could forget for a minute about the person who simply doesn’t love you (or they would never let you suffer like this) – if only you could forget, you would feel JUST FINE.
- Being overly happy. This is a reverse of holding on to your pain stage, when you exagerrate every little joy to the point that watching an old re-run of Married…With Children makes you laugh like a serial killer on a spree. Food tastes like food is going extinct. You suddenly discover History channel as the best channel in the world.
- Becoming obsessive-compulsive. You suddenly decide it’s time for spring cleaning, or time to re-organize your closets, and the garage could really use those cabinets you saw in an advertizement magazines.
- Changing your style. You notice that black colors really suit you, or perhaps it’s time to get a new tattoo. A new hairstyle – some people get a pixie cut. You update your wardrobe. Or maybe blue highlights.
The point is if you need to get over someone, then the best do it is to STOP LOVING them.
So…What is the opposite of love? It’s not hate. Hate is a strong, passionate feeling that’s a love’s close cousin. There’s one step from love to hatred and so you want to avoid hating as well as any strong feelings.
The best counteraction(or medicine) for love is DISGUST. That’s right, the best way to stop loving someone, is to start despising your ex. You can make a list of all the disgusting things they do. You can also imagine something that would make them disgusting to you – for example, for me, the most despicable sight is a sight of a drunk person, who can hardly stand on their feet, perhaps crying with snot dripping down their face. It’s OK to be graphic.
You can think of all the things that this person can be despised for – not tall enough, doesn’t get promoted on the job, a total loser and complainer.
Exaggerate as much as possible. Maybe draw a mental caricature if them:
It’s alright to call them the worst names in the book, after all you are doing it in your head or paper – this is SELF-COMMUNICADO. To your ex, remain always ICE-COMMUNICADO, meaning be as silent as death, no matter how much they plead to take them back, ask about the recent earthquake or wish you a happy birthday. MUM. If they are not pleading, they still might one day – you can imagine them on their knees right now. Make a list of all the things they could never give you – marriage, happy and positive attitude, things that annoyed you in your relationship. If you forgot, dig hard – everyone has weaknesses, including Superman. It’s also good to generalize your ex to belong to a certain minority group, such as “this type of person” or “the dregs of the society”, who don’t deserve to be in the relationship or don’t deserve intimacy. It’s YOUR head, so sing and dance around all you want without judgement – you can even give your ex some really ‘loving” names, such as wonderful animal kingdom names – derivatives of dog, crocodile, cockroach, maggot, spider, skunk, snake, slime-producer, ogre, and other such names that evoke your feeling of nose-coverup and desire to run away:
This has really helped ME personally get over the person, knowing how really disgusting and slimey and unworthy they were. Is it really true? Probably not, because love is so subjective – in love, every little flaw seems adorable. But now that the rosy glasses are off, it’s time to “smell the roses” : this person is vile. The mere thought of that person should make you want to throw up now. If you can achieve this, YOU ARE TRULY OVER!!! You’re cured of the sickness they call love, and pain will be no more. Now, you can slowly move toward indifference, because INDIFFERENCE is the true opposite of love. It will come with time, but for now your goal is to DEFEAT LOVE.
Of course, going out with friends and dating other people is also a part of the “cure” – but those who have been in my shoes will agree that it takes up to a year to fully recover, with the first 3 months being the hardest. Dating during such a period is mostly going through the motions. It’s now that I have gotten over the disease they call love, I have grown “thick skin” around my heart and put up a huge wall, that I think of as impenetrable shield of stainless steel, with a diamond lock. I am in no rush to “let anyone in”, and I have developed a dozen of filters of what my standards and tests are going to be for “the one” I will consider one day for the role of my partner. One thing is for sure, I do not take “choosing the right partner” lightly and I am not as open and naive as I used to be. But that’s a story for another post.
In the meantime, click “Like” if you find this helpful. I lived through a breakup – and if I survived it, so can you…and so can anyone. This feeling of detachment and happy contentment is where I am at right now, and I enjoy it very much. I am in control of my destiny, free to shape is as I will, without any limitations that a partner could potentially bring into my life. Hell, I would be happy to marry myself !!! LOL. And I don’t need validation, I am satisfied to keep moving forward and work on my goals and big plans for the future.
SO, DID SOMEONE TELL YOU THAT THEY STOPPED LOVING YOU? Don’t get sad, be glad! For they have told you the TRUTH and liberated you, and that is much better than if you lived thinking that they still loved you!!!! Thank that person for their honesty and realize what a gift you’ve been given – a gift of freedom to pursue a new life, and a new reality. So what if you, like PHOENIX, burn up in the process?.. Where there is a CRISIS, there’s an immense GROWTH. And I want to congratulate you on this push forward, a push towards a happier you where you can be realized to the full potential.
So…forget the song “There’s no good in good-byes” and other sappy sentiments (I personally call them “the crawlers”, as the people singing them are tapping into that base crawling back instinct, and we covered this earlier in one of the “beginning stages” of what not to do. We are not creepy crawlers, because we are HUMANs with a capital letter, we walk upright and have dignity ).
So will you be OK? You will be more than OK, you will be better off!!!
THANKS for reading!!! Stay STRONG! Many hearts from me to you.
Reborn and happy to be alive with you today,
I am going to put some thoughts out on Rejection and why it happens. First of all rejection obviously sucks. But I have a theory, so hear me out, and I guarantee you it will make you feel better:
“THOSE WHO REJECT US, FEEL REJECTED BY US”.
I know. What a concept. But, if I had to trace back all the instances where I got rejected, in my heart I already criticized and rejected it first – strangely, weeks or days prior! I don’t know if this is helpful, but…if you don’t want to get rejected, in the heart of hearts you must accept THAT which you are after, with warts and all. Well, can you?.. It may take some time to come to peace with it, to examine it’s every flaw and tell yourself that you like it, you love it. Just the way it is.
I remember one instance many years ago, where I had a job interview, where I REALLY wanted the job. I did, and yet, in the heart of hearts I resented the interview itself, the horrible hours, the manager who I knew was a jerk, and a few other “red flags”. All of these factors that I couldn’t accept, I planned to change. “If I work hard and fast enough, I maybe able to cut an hour hear and there. The manager could always get promoted and I could get his job. The cafeteria is not the only eating option I can find.” In other words, I wanted to change EVERYTHING. But to Universe who am I? A speck. An unimportant little speck who doesn’t know shit. To Universe, most importantly, I was someone who already rejected this job on so many levels. So I didn’t get the job. It was “subconscious rejection creates conscious rejection” scenario.
Or perhaps those who were in an unhappy relationship, one who got rejected had ALREADY rejected the other person long time ago. Trying to cope and accept on all levels is not an easy task – it’s hard on both parties! The rejectOR becomes a mirror of that which he or she rejects. Makes sense?..
Ponder on that.
SO…The moral of the story is, if you want something badly, you must also learn to love it, and to accept it’s many folds and wrinkles. Tell yourself what do you like about it, list all the features, and the reasons they suit you. THEN, watch how subconscious acceptance create conscious acceptance, cooperation and harmony. Watch yourself align with the UNIVERSE and it’s many stories, parables and multi-chapter novels. (AND FORGET TO FEEL, feelings do nothing for manifestation, it’s been tested and tried. If you wonder how I feel about feelings, check my previous posts).
And with this, I leave you.
Yours in transformation,
People wish us happiness. People “just want to be happy”. Some even come to thing that happiness is a meaning of life. In truth.., you would be just fine without happiness, and expecting and chasing happiness is just another form of unhealthy attachment. Not to mention that happiness is just a feeling! And a feeling, like any feeling, is fleeting – I have even compared it in my previous posts as a “wild horse” of your brain. Instead of trying to feel good or avoiding feeling bad my suggestion is to simply QUIT feeling altogether. It’s best to feel nothing at all, or “to feel content”. Contention should be like an empty cup – not bad nor good, emptiness cannot be good nor bad. It’s just not there.
So for a week now I’ve been trying to fill my mind with this intentional void, trying not to feel. When feelings inevitably came, I dismissed them as soon as I consciously realized they were there – as if they were just winds, I exorcised my unwelcome guests. Some crept up, like a feeling of sadness that would slowly come up as a knot in my stomach in the mornings. I could tell that this sadness was trying to tell me some unexpressed thought from my “lower self” who was mute and couldn’t speak… but I had to simply “work through” the feelings as if they were a passing sickness – the sooner it’s gone, the better I’ll get!
…Because I’m trying to live from the higher plane here, without chasing some invisible, uncontrollable firebird. I am my own person here, living my life in the moment of existence and simply “content” with emptiness and it’s lack of meaning – other than bringing past and future moments together; conceiving and bringing my goals and visions to fruition; I am simply, traveling in time.
So when we are talking about us humans being slaves to our emotions – when we as humanity are so exorbitant that we, my friends, are EMOTIONALLY OBESE!
What is this, this sadness, or this gladness… This madness??? It’s self-indulgence. It’s lack of self-control. It’s not being able to separate your animal nature and your human nature… Your cortex. WHY? Well first of all, we as humanity of the 21st century, are not very emotionally intelligent – our technological advancements and actual human evolution has progressed much more!!! Ever wonder why is that? Maybe because our emotions and our intelligence is two separate entities – not even apples and oranges! They couldn’t be more different. Since emotional “creature” (or Animal) lies within our brain, our Thinking Entity (or Humanity) has assumed responsibility of a parent to it – it’s been taking care for it. But… We are separate – we are not one and the same. Our animal “pets”, or our emotions, are a separate being which is WAY OVERESTIMATED and whose importance is blown waaaaay out of proportions. I think it was created as our downfall – god didn’t want us to be too perfect, so he created this capricious animal within us – so that only the most intelligent people could concur and tame the “beast”, thus living a fulfilling life to a complete satisfaction of his minds capacity. Those who were led by the beast, have degraded and perished as result of DEVOLUTION – those species who used their intellect less, have unknowingly regressed and suffered mental degradation, becoming more primitive over time. People who have schizophrenia or other mental problems, tend to have exaggerated feelings. Perhaps it’s a natures way out – giving the person with mental decline a tool to self destruct. After all we are talking about The Beast, or our Lower Self. We all have it, but are we the ones in control?..
I will let you ponder on that.
Your sibling in transformation –