Category Archives: closure
If you’ve been wondering where I’m at these days, a friend has had a mild stroke – he got sick in the gym after an intense exercise, and I took him to the ER. So many tests and SO much blood taken – it’s amazing how many tests can be done on a human being. Number one reason for stroke, per physician’s words, is fluctuation in blood pressure. The symptoms of a stroke include numbness on one side – as with the case of my friend, it was in the left leg, arm, and even face…especially mouth area. It’s definitely scarey and best to go to the hospital right away!. We are all praying for him.
As far as me, I have been golfing over the weekend. I went to the Cadillac Golf Clinic where I got to meet a PGA champ doing a demo/instructional speech, and then our swings were recorded. It was fun! And then of course, I got to drive a few Cadillacs which was a pleasure!
I also tried African (Eritrean) food for the first time – ordered a ‘meat’ platter, and it was surprisingly delicious!!! A bit on the hotter side, but definitely really good.
Dreams: I had a weird dream of swimming with stingrays tonight. What a cool dream! The stingrays were gigantic in my dream, swimming alongside with them was just surreal.
And then I got a weird text from my Ex again – saying mean things to me. I am just ignoring them. “And this too, shall pass!” I feel better now that I’ve spoken to my Ex – so maybe the closure thing does work. But it seems that anger breeds anger – my anger, which I didn’t want to let go of, has spread to the other side. Why does anger feel so damn good? Why do we like feeling like victims, self righteous and noble? I don’t know. Anger is a great deal of energy – and its an energy that drives you and pushes you. As long as you are not hurting anyone, can anger be a good thing? And lastly, what do you do with your anger?
My Thoughts on Implications Of Anger
- (The bad) It may give you daydreams of the other party being slowly dismembered by the guy from the SAW movie… eaten by a shark…”given” AIDS…being kidnapped by a serial killer …kept as a pet in a pigsty…ect.
- It becomes a motivating source – desire of ” getting even” by becoming uber successful, attractive, and getting married/having a family with a better partner.
- It makes you realize that you deserve to be treated better.
- It pushes to pursue hobbies and take risks.
- It makes you realize mistakes of the past and learn to make better decisions.(Even if it makes you feel like a fool).
- It makes you relate to Jesus, who was also betrayed, and unjustly crucified by the crowd of pigs. Sure, it wasn’t for the good of all humanity. But you can still feel the steel of the dagger in your heart…you feel emotional death, where your heart and your trust have been ruthlessly killed in a blink of an eye..and you can’t take away that intense burning in your chest. God knows how, but you survive!!!
- Anger and healing don’t impede each other. I’ve been feeling progressively better with each day, almost like recovering from an illness. The healing process happens with time – the wounds slowly but steadily repair themselves. You begin to feel stronger, better than before…and renewed.
- Anger is adding to strength in your workouts. Just think about punching the other party, and that last rep is going to get much easier; you’ll push those pedals much faster; without realizing it you’ll lift heavier.
- Anger makes you more cautious/I know I’m contradicting myself right now because I just said in #4 that it helps you to take more risks. But in my experience it DOES also make you more cautious about the people you let into your life anymore. There are far more filters now.
- The fire of Anger has killed all that was weak in me. I have become better, stronger, smarter…more confident!.. I believe that I’ve definitely self improved! My body is loving the workouts – my muscles are incredible! I look better now…I lead better, healthier lifestyle. In addition, I had been attending webinars on self-development. (I do have a favorite guru, but I don’t want to promote anybody on this site).
- The fire of Anger helps you to purify your experiences and appreciate what happened – to see everything in retrospective. So in retrospective I know that this separation is the best thing that ever happened to me. A blessing in disguise. I am grateful (I can’t believe I’m saying this!) that this happened. After all is said and done, I am elated that this is done and over with, that I have only good things to look forward to, now.
- Anger is a God given emotion. It is your Protector, a soldier that comes after we experience hurt.
So the bad chapter of your life is over – and the good one is about to begin. That’s what’s most important. Just getting it out there, makes me feel happy – the anger is lifted, like a cloud! The point is, it’s OK to feel anger when you feel it. It’s only a human emotion you can channel for good or for bad…just like the Sun’s energy can be good and it can be bad. Use anger like fuel to drive you – THANK your offenders for giving you this precious fuel to work with. THANK Judas for betrayal and murder – in the end, we all know how it ends for him…and YOUR life is far from over! No, it only have begun. You have passed the test, you have ASCENDED into a better plane of reality: at least I am very optimistic right now, that it can only get better.
I say, Amen to that.
Wednesday started with soreness in my arms from yesterday and also leftover pain in my hamstrings. Ouch! Thus I knew it was going to be a cardio and Abs/Calves day. Usually I try to make at least an hour worth of cardio, but today I only did 30 minutes due to soreness in my legs. You gotta listen to your body, it will give you cues when it’s not ready for intensive exercise.
A few folks were joking today saying we call the Gym our “Intensive Burn Unit”.
Emotionally it was a difficult day for me.
I have been getting strange messages from my Ex today – “I hope you are well” – I haven’t been responding, since it’s over between us and I am in no condition to reopen old wounds.
I get that when people separate they don’t necessarily know what to say to each other. We haven’t had a “closure talk”, breaking up was something we did over the text in a few minutes…so my guess is, the Ex has ‘pent up’ words that need to come out. I am leery of this and I don’t see value in closure – once you have separated, the boat has left the shore. Can you still talk to the people in the boat, if it left the shore? Sure you can scream something…wave…but chances are you won’t be heard.
Or a better analogy for me, would be if you took a gun or a sharp knife – and shot/stabbed me right in the heart; you knew Read the rest of this entry