…Even with me trying to sound all tough and upbeat, I should warn you this post is going underground …and then through hell and back. Do you still want to get in? Strap in and sit tight!..
…Because today I am tackling the question of forgiveness. In full disclosure, I have spoken to my Ex today and we exchanged words. I did say that I am trying to forgive (not reconcile but just to let go) but I have incredible bitterness and anger left in me, and I am trying to work through them. You know what? Forgiveness isn’t easy. It’s not like you can snap your fingers and just forgive. It’s a process. I WANT to forgive and I will work on it but it will take time. The response was: “I’m sorry. I have nothing left to give. I am trying to become a better person”
… This confirms that simple fact, that you cannot be offended at the frog for not being able to read. If anything, the frog should be offended at YOU, for expecting it to do so. And yet its my own problem for staying with a person who wasn’t right for me, and I have to take full responsibility for denying the obvious. A rebel that I am, I stayed in a hurtful relationship despite what friends, family members, and the world around me, advised for years. And now I am left in the dust of my own failure. Now they can say, “I told you so”.
SO…YOU CANNOT DEMAND FROM A FISH TO FLY; AND FROM A BIRD TO SWIM; NOR FROM A PERSON WITHOUT HEART TO LOVE; NOR FROM A STUPID PERSON TO MAKE SMART DECISION. Every creature in the Universe requires its OWN approach. You wouldn’t treat a child with a Down syndrome like a normal child. And you would have higher demands on a normal child. Everyone has their capabilities. Once you start demanding from a creature something BEYOND THEIR CAPABILITIES, a crack can happen. A world would not end, but a crack in relationship and some damage from this disconnect between your brain and reality. For example if you thought a flame was a stream of cool refreshing water, you would burn your fingers. And if you offered a vegetarian some meat, you might hear a protest. The further beyond boundaries you push, the bigger the reaction. The same fish in the sky would just plop right back on the ground – the reality ALWAYS kicks you hard on the head, no matter the demands you have!
I have read several articles online about ‘forgiveness’ and Read the rest of this entry
Wednesday started with soreness in my arms from yesterday and also leftover pain in my hamstrings. Ouch! Thus I knew it was going to be a cardio and Abs/Calves day. Usually I try to make at least an hour worth of cardio, but today I only did 30 minutes due to soreness in my legs. You gotta listen to your body, it will give you cues when it’s not ready for intensive exercise.
A few folks were joking today saying we call the Gym our “Intensive Burn Unit”.
Emotionally it was a difficult day for me.
I have been getting strange messages from my Ex today – “I hope you are well” – I haven’t been responding, since it’s over between us and I am in no condition to reopen old wounds.
I get that when people separate they don’t necessarily know what to say to each other. We haven’t had a “closure talk”, breaking up was something we did over the text in a few minutes…so my guess is, the Ex has ‘pent up’ words that need to come out. I am leery of this and I don’t see value in closure – once you have separated, the boat has left the shore. Can you still talk to the people in the boat, if it left the shore? Sure you can scream something…wave…but chances are you won’t be heard.
Or a better analogy for me, would be if you took a gun or a sharp knife – and shot/stabbed me right in the heart; you knew Read the rest of this entry