The battle of good and bad

Today I want to put an end to the myth: “All people are inherently good”. Beep. Or “Since we are all made the same we must all be the same”. Beep. (For wrong again!)

There are good and bad people . There are good and bad foods. There’s even good and bad way of life. The battle of good and bad is ongoing. Are there more good foods than bad ones? If you count unhealthy choices such as candy and cereals, then no. There are more bad ones, to be fair. But for the sake of argument, let’s take in nature, there are edible and poisonous plants so which ones are more abundant?  I would say non-edible ones prevail, but some will argue it’s a 50-50 situation. 

Where am I going with this? Sooner or later we are all bound to meet bad people. When I say bad people, I mean selfish and toxic people who mean us intentional harm. They want to sting you, to blame you. They are the happiest when you are down. 

And such people walk amongst us, have similar lives with us, share the same hobbies with us and go to the same jobs as us. You would think you would get along great, because hey, you have  so much in common. Unfortunately for you, you and a serial killer may have the same favorite show; eat and prepare the same foods ; share an identical  lifestyle,go to bed and get up at the same time; or have the same taste in politics! Yet…You and He are inherently different. Whilst you see rainbows and butterflies and hope for the world peace, this person is corrupted and rotten inside – he is a moral cancer , unable to love, feel empathy, or to care for anyone in this world but his own selfish needs – manipulative and cunning, just like an undercover sleeper agent, this person lurks amongst us, harboring vengeful thoughts of which you and I have NO CLUE, as we sweetly mumble “Good night” and shut our eyes to sleep in blissful slumber. To this very person, right now, you are the biggest enemy, you are his fellow people with whom he so well identified and blended in, like a chameleon ,  and for which he hates you so. 

Yes I want to open your eyes to his existence, because “bad apples” are not as rare as you might think. Bad people actually outnumber the good ones, but for the sake of argument, there are at the very least 50-50 of good vs bad in the world, as of this writing. To be blind to this fact, is to willingly refuse the news in the morning and pretend that nothing happened. Just because we choose to be ignorant does not cancel the fact, that there are 50% of bad apples living and breathing amongst us… This might spur you to be less loving to your neighbours, which is not where I am going with this… Being loving and well-wishing is great: we all have “potential”, a seed for greatness..It’s a sign that you are one of US , the good-apple “white” army. But not being cautious is just stupid and so please be aware of the fact that we are only at 50% of all you meet, and GUARD YOUR HEART, guard your sympathies against “dark army”, don’t be so gullible and easy as to fall prey to others agenda. Don’t accept unsolicited advice, or help you didn’t ask for. Don’t let yourself to be persuaded into harms way. Live independent life, and guard your loyalty. Dark soldier might only bring you a  heartbreak,a disappointment, an illusion and mental fog. This might be how you got off easy, if there was no agenda. But if you are a part of his/her plan, you stand to lose far more than your .peace..I an talking about your sanity and even your life. 

So what if you meet such a osoldier      on your part of life? Good for you! They are not rare. You can guard your sympathies, by never letting such a person too close… Chances are, you already have such a dark soldier in your life… Either as a sleeper agent (in which case he still has something to gain from you) or fully revealed toxic entity (this means he realized that you saw him for who he truly is ). 

True relationships take time. 50% is a staggering statistics, far cry for commonly perceived 20%. 

Signing out today, with a valuable lesson/food for thought – 

Your friend,

Phoenix. 

My decision making process

All my life I was afraid to make a choice. I was afraid to make a wrong choice. It was more like fear of missing out! So in a store when I had several choices I just put both items in my cart and said: I’ll take them all! That’s right. Salespeople love me. My mind gets tired of constant comparison of features. 

So just like in dating, I decided to make a choice to NOT MAKE A CHOICE. I’ll take them all…

So in choosing a Dashcam, I decided to try out each unit for as long as the store will allow (15-30 days), then return and repeat a process. That way, I am off the hook for making a final decision – since I am in the process of selecting…. A process which may never end. 

To me this is the only viable solution to painstaking madness. In Latin I believe the word Decision means, “to cut”. We essentially eliminate other choices by choosing something once. 

Some will say I do not trust myself… But trust is something you earn. I have only one life, and choices are rather abundant. So rather than put myself down for not being the blade wielding samurai who decisively cuts out things out of his decision-making path, I consciously chose A BETTER WAY. No more cutting – this ends the violence and gives everybody a fighting chance!!! 

I think it made me a better person – by realizing my weakness and turning it into strength! The process is no longer painful. Sure, there will be times in life where I won’t be able to “claim it all”! Perhaps when buying a house. Or tying the knot, if it was ever to happen. But in most cases I can find my way to make an honest decision to choose it all – if not at once, then in a cue! It’s not so hard. Then after owning everything for a little while, it becomes not so important what is to come, the finality of the situation. You can always say: “THIS IS THE BEST DECISION FOR THIS TIME”. Think about it : if we can’t duplicate ourselves, we may as well take advantage of what’s at hand, in a tempting situation. 

Random Thoughts

Random ThoughtsI don’t do coffee dates. In my lifetime, coffee cups have done enough embarrassing things to me in order for me to know better – including but not limited to : sudden spit in my face; splatter on my shirt or pants; or do that weird one line squirt across the room. Whoever invented coffee cups, had a devious sense of humor. You get enough coffee for your buck for a small shower. 
Which brings me to a rather scary thought that I should probably quit coffee. There are alternatives now such as a caffeine pills and herbal concoctions.
While we are also on the subject of dating. I like dating now but I am still not ready for a relationship. After a rather mind crumbling breakup in August 2015, I’ve picked up pieces and finally recovered, but it has been a long and windy journey. Many brick fortresses have been built up around my heart – ditches have been dug up; “Do not enter” signs posted. This whole experience has taught me many lessons but also got me back to ME: I am alone and happy in my skin. Dating is fun, but I’ve become a serial dater without any desire to get too close. I became focused on my life, my Goals and aspirations , and decided to explore a relationship with myself instead. 
For Example I discovered a new motto: “Custom Life. Build it. Live it.” I suppose I could create my own universe with my own microclimate 🙂 
So let me explain when I said custom life, I decided to DIY everything in my life. One day I’ll build my own house but for now… Build THINGS around the house that are unique. Grow my own vegetables. Paint my car. Hell, I would be even open to the possibility of buying a sewing machine and making my own custom clothing. I am talking about creating a unique life with unique experience, unlike anyone else who shops at the same shops we all do. The key here I am making it – not buying it ready to consume. Easy life is for suckers. I am somewhat romantically inclined toward the Renaissance Era and the Amish way of living. Those people are brave for ditching the umbilical cord of convenience, and embracing the discomfort real life can bring..I am taking myself out of the aquarium and into the ocean.. Sure, there are sharks in the ocean. But the experience is RAW and real. We modern people cherish and baby ourselves too much. No real strength can come out of incubator. I watch “Naked and Afraid” and sympathize with those real men and real women: they are there recognizing the raw and brutal power of nature…and many still don’t realize how far off we’ve come in our expectations. Nature can never be tamed!.
And so away I go into the riskier and more of an unsafe category than originally thought. Is it out of boredom? Or is it the inner Magellan in me waking up on the inside?..
 It is all for the better.  

 

How to handle distressing news

I ve only been rambling on and on how to stay calm in the face of any emotional earthquake but today I want to go beyond that. It’s easy to judge others and provide an outsider perspective – when we are given distressing news the first impulse is to react. When we are hit (emotionally), we want to punch back! But… It never works out in our favor that way. Instead, it’s either the situation takes hold of you (the demon possesses you), or you take hold of the situation. Which one is it going to be?..
But HOW do you take control? I will discuss such examples.
1.Disarming the Shock Bomb with “I already know” or “I already know (this shock bomb) but did you know (return shock bomb)?

Saying I already know and following with your own shock bomb is even more effective – “Yes of course I know of this; but did YOU know THAT?”

Example1.
If we are being deliberately attacked: “I am a lover your partner is cheating on”, or other shocking, unbelievable news you can’t possibly trust, it’s best to smile and say: “I already know, I am so sorry that she or he used you. This poor person is a recovering sex-oholic and they just can’t help it. Please get checked.”
Poof.

2.Disarming the Shock Bomb with Mirroring+Return Shock Bomb.

Example2. Breakup News are a form of a shock bomb, but since they are a wake up call to you – a person who failed to break up with this person FIRST and was acting too patient and forgiving… There’s a way to save a face!!!

Adam:
“I am so sorry it’s over… It’s not you it’s me…” But most commonly they will say “I still love you BUT…” And some madeup excuse.

Eve:
“Oh baby I am very sorry too. Thanks so much for this. Truth be told I wanted to break up last time we met but chickened out… This was gonna be my second try but you read my
Mind and beat me to it! Whew! Thanks so much! The feeling is mutual!” And hug them/be on your way. The person will probably be stunned as they failed to shock you and got shocked instead. What? You are…grateful instead of angry? That is an unexpected response, and totally qualifies as a “RSB” or return shock bomb.

3.Disarming the Shock Bomb when you are informed of something disagreeable to you in front of other person/peoples. The Group Shock Bomb can only be disarmed 1-on-1!!!

This applies to a group situation where a leader or authority figure informs you that he made the decision to do something disagreeable to you. Don’t react in anger. Can you start a group discussion and start politics/polling for votes? No and no, because there’s a chance the other person will disagree with you and you will be outnumbered.

Example 3.
Hitler:
“We will now start performing a horrible group activity”
You:
“Can I speak with you in private please?” While smiling.
Walk away from a group, then in a low voice explain that the whole group will absolutely not do it and the why’s. Speak for the whole group but with concern for the groups safety and wellbeing. If Mr Hitler doesn’t comply, walk directly to his supervisor and make a formal complaint against him.

4.Uncertainty SB. You are assuming that a Shock Bomb is handed to you but it’s not very clear. If you touch it, it will blow up just like the bomb you imagined it to be, but this is the case of FEAR materializing. Easy! If the person delivering it, is not sure it’s a bomb, it’s not.
Paraphrase what the person just told you, word-for-word. Acknowledge it “OK”. Say nothing more of the subject and change to a positive subject. Smile and carry on happily, as if it didn’t bother you.

Hard I know. Uncertainty bomb is the worst because it feels just like the bomb only lacking direct wording. Assuming it’s a fake prop and acknowledging someone’s uncertain feelings is hard. Some people take uncertainty for cowardliness, and will egg them on: “Come on let me just say it for you, you want a divorce am I right? And you want kids and the house?” W R O N G!
An uncertain person wants for YOU to make a decision. They will just agree with anything you’ll say at this point: “Yes, you got it”. When a person in doubt has no clarity to deliver to you, they got NOTHING. They are lost, in need of guidance. The fact that they came to you means something. They need you to hold their hand, reassure them with your own confidence but NO DIRECT WORDING and no confrontation.

Don’t be harsh to you both by treating a fake prop, a fear or a doubt, like the Shock Bomb (it is not).

Exorcise the demon of fear! Disarm the Uncertainty Bomb by a simple OK (paraphrase it and show that you understand that they are lost at this time). It’s OK to be afraid and to have doubts – don’t hold it against them. Don’t tell them “I thought better of you than this coward slug I am seeing”.

I am telling you in all 4 cases there’s never an understanding, always an outrage. How can they do this to me after all I’ve done?… But, pray for understanding to come and it WILL COME at a later date.

Know one reason only: It came to you today to make you a stronger person, a better person, to carve you into a super-hero shape from this clay-mush shape you are in. So be a Man, Super Hero, a Role Model and handle the Shock Bomb with care and confidence. YES YOU CAN!!!

Day 2

Day two was not much different from day 1. I came to the conclusion that my emotions are in fact, in symbiotic relationship with the brain …they could be called the children of the brain. The children, the younger sibling, or a favorite pet – because my brain was in the habit of constantly checking with my emotional self, even know I have fought with it and resisted it as much as I could.

For example, I woke up today to discover that a bird has made a nest on my windowsill and has laid 4 eggs in there. In fact there were 2 birds – mom and dad – so without thinking I snapped a photo and pushed it to Facebook. After I did, I realized that I actually didn’t want to do anything for personal joy and that Facebook postings probably fell into that category… I am learning as I go! Immediately post Facebook deletion, I felt sad!.. Now, I quickly dismissed the feeling and went to work…but this is how it went.

When you are having a depression or feeling sad (for any reason) it is best to work – work 24 hours if needed, work, until your body aches, groans, and complains of feeling tired!.. Trust me, you will not have the time to be feeling sad. Or as an alternative, you can work out – if your routine is done for the week, work on your abs, calves, you can do KenPo, kickboxing or any sort of sweat-til-you-bleed cardio. Dance like they did in the 60s!

As a part of my “no more feelings” campaign, and conscious monitoring of the brain (which is necessary to avoid emotional decisions), I decided to wear primarily RED COLOR this month – signifying action and being in constant motion.

If you wish to join me in my campaign, you too can order “I HAVE NO FEELINGS” t-shirt in red in the zazzle store. What this will do is promote more action, more determination, and more TRUST in your ability as a grown up – a child side of our brains is just that. A child. Look at all bad things that happened to us, all of it. It was Him!

Stop feeling!!! Start living.
Phoenix.

Day 1 of my Emotion-Free life

As you know I am the freak that decided to do this crazy experiment of living my life “without feelings” for 1 month. What I uncovered today was my brain was pretty much WIRED to feed into positive emotion. In fact every decision I made was partially (subconsciously) a feel-good decision…

So I consciously decided to dismiss every emotion that came about. For example when I came to my regular lunch place determined to let my brain decide what IT wanted without doubts, regrets, fears, or intentional pleasure seeking… I ordered a hefty rib plate in place of my regular no frills sandwich. I was surprised since my regular choice is what I thought was a more rational choice. But as you know it’s an experiment so I will simply make observations and will keep on avoiding making decisions based on emotions. My second choice today – instead of my regular gym place, my “thinking entity” made a call and I exercised at a fancy hotel. Again the more expensive and rather strange Choice but I had no regrets, fears, doubts or second guessing. I have allowed myself to just be. This hotel was very close to where I live too… But it’s interesting to note that my emotion-free brain was more spendey, whilst my emotional self was apparently more frugal. Without fear, my thinking entity makes more risky, bold choices, and it makes them rather quickly too.

Pretty interesting that I’m not yet falling apart without my favorite show… But it’s only been day 1! Lol we’ll see how long will I last. I will also try to plan my meals in advance …just so my emotionless Self doesn’t surprise me again. Hehe… My brain is interesting for me to study… Without feelings to motivate it, how will it do? How smart am I?.. What else will I discover?.. What about you – how attached are YOU to your emotions?

Keep following me as my life without emotions unfolds and I am getting the most interesting, revolutionary and thought-provoking thoughts…

Ever evolving –

Phoenix

Act THEN feel rule

To continue with my topic of goal accomplishment and in examining the basic makeup of a human nature..,

I want to inspire and urge people to take more action. Many of you await to feel like doing something and to those people I say: this feeling will never come. Act!!! And the feelings will come. Act as if you had the feeling that you want (just imagine it). We are born to feel victorious and triumphant, which comes after you accomplish something.

Which reminds me of analogy I mentioned earlier on this site about a horse and a carriage. I also have explained before, that inside the carriage there is the thinking entity which makes all the decisions. The horse represents the feelings; so sometimes our feelings take off and especially when we are afraid, we lose the ability to think. The horses take flight!

But what I haven’t talked about is the man in the middle – a jockey with a whip that takes an action. It’s very funny that the man in the middle actually holds a whip because it’s represents an action , Propelled by our decisions. You (inside the carriage) told him where you want to go, and his job is to actually take you there. So if you follow me, action is almost always precipitated by force (a whip), or simple pull of the reigns.

So to recap, we have literally to force ourselves to take an action – whether we feel it or not, because the feelings (the horse) come after action!

Remember: ACT , then feel rule and take an action as fast as you would crack an imaginary whip.

Feelings are of your animalistic nature and can’t always be tamed or understood – feelings are blind (a blindfolded horse) therefore don’t try to reason with your feelings. It’s enough to force an action and your feelings will have to go in the same direction, rather than wherever they please 🙂 it’s your job to tame those wild animals, make friends with them, but don’t try to understand them. As wild animals they will never truly be owned, but they can be tamed and trained. However since feelings are animals they will always have to urge to go on their own. It’s your job to keep them in check!

So, when goals are not being accomplished, ask yourself where in these three areas there is a lack of activity. Is it number one – a lack of decision? Is it number two – lack of action? Because without an action, the carriage will stand still. Or is it number three – the lack of “animal control”, where feelings are allowed to take the carriage wherever they please – for example such feelings as fear, being upset, anger, hurt, combative mode : all these feelings are distractions, and your horses at that point are running away taking you far, far away from your goals. So what should you be feeling WHILE trying to achieve your goals? … Check the picture. It’s Nothing. It’s not your feelings turn yet – it’s time to act! The only “real feeling” you should be feeling right now is the pain from the imaginary whip (or a fear of a whip) and determination. Then you can also dangle a carrot in front of your horses and motivate yourself by saying how great it will feel once you get there. I personally believe in a whip more than I do in carrots… And even know I’ve seen “the secret” about the power of visualization, let me tell you, I have never seen a horse being led by enticing it with carrots. TOO FREAKING SLOW. Visualization is something that happens in a matter of seconds for me, during the planning stage, (while still in my imaginary carriage, where I think and make decisions).

But after that, it’s time to get to whipping (I meant to work, haha). It’s done fast. It’s done without feelings, as and I don’t depend on my horse to function. It is a different entity that is in charge now – my “Jockey” forces me to act and do whatever is necessary in a harsh, matter-of factly way.

After an action is taken, horses are finally taking their turn. I am allowed to relax, rejoice, to have a triumphant flexing of the muscle. The key of taming the horses is to have an even, upbeat, positive disposition but without “too much ” emotion and I especially mean negative emotion. Ignoring the feelings and telling your horses: hold on, it’s not your turn yet, may also do the trick.

Goal Setting and Achieving

I only share with my reader’s that which I am myself, intensely interested in. This time also I have done extensive research about goal setting and achievement… Many books, YouTube videos and even movies were published regarding this fascinating subject. As you recall in the movie “the secret” we are told “that which you can conceive and believe you can achieve.” It’s also says that your focus becomes your reality. Your focus in essence is your energy – imagine a cord that is very flexible, with one end starting in your mind, that contains a lightbulb on its end – whenever we direct our attention and our thoughts to something we also direct our energy there. We then light up the object of our attention so it’s it’s possible to feed the source of our attention with energy whether we wanted or not. That’s how reiki specialists and hypnotists are able to maintain high amounts of energy – the first thing they do is they train to maintain their focus for as long they can — keeping their focus on one object for extended period of time (for example five minutes). It can be a black dot painted on your wall or as with reiki practitioners there is a constant focus of attention in their fingers/fingertips. We too can practice our focus – akin training our wild horses that are used to jumping from one place to another without restraint, every day, to being those magical mystical beings that are capable of bringing our dreams to reality. So here are the four things we must do:
1. Only feed with your energy that which you wish to flourish and come to reality. Like money don’t freely give away your attention… Instead preserving it for the things that really matter. Where does it really pay to direct your energy so it multiplies and works for you? Direct it only to the things that give you joy; to do things that contribute to your self development either physically or mentally; direct it in other words to the things that work for you and your goals.
2. Ask yourself “who am I ? who am I that I going to meet in the future, a person in whose direction I am walking to every day?” Then create 2 scenarios in your mind…in one scenario imagine the perfect you – the one that you want to be if you keep doing the steps that you outlined for yourselves. The life that future you will be living, the house that person will be residing in, their feelings that person will be experiencing, the diplomas that will be hanging on his wall and the wonderful people surrounding Him, admiring, and being thankful to “this person”.
And in the second scenario imagine a lazy fat and unkept person sitting on the couch, and being abandoned by their children. Exaggerate the filth around that person….exaggerate all the horrible things that happened to him …exaggerate the disgust and resentment and shame that THIS persons family feels towards them. Any of this scenario which is one of the technique of negative motivation, tell yourself that this could be you, if you don’t do the steps, that you outlined for yourself. If you don’t keep walking towards your goal, you can be that person. And now, feel it in your heart, how much you don’t want this reality to be your reality. You are not that person! And you never will be. You have what it takes. So you will leave that scenario behind you and you will walk towards a wonderful and bright future that you deserve. The past doesn’t belong to us and future is not ours. Ours is only the present, the present which is slipping away with each passing moment. In truth, the present is not ours either: ours is only a shadow point between now and the next moment, The strength and confidence we feel are ours to own and to master. So leave behind the fears about tomorrow or the fears about death – we as humans are not the owners, we are renters… We are just as temporary as the flowers, the trees, like the next moment that comes and slips away …like the river that flows and renews itself. So REJOICE and take pleasure in every moment. Prepare yourself for opportunity, for achievement, for a triumph, for joy!
3. What can I do? Grow every day that what you can to learn every day – you aren’t going to get tired to learn and advance yourself – remember that we are perpetual students for lifetime and learning never stops, ever! That’s why the wisest said to us – “the only thing that I’ve learned is that I know nothing. ” For nobody knows the future.
4. What do I do? Every day, do three things and take at least three steps towards your goal.
5. What do I have? This is the last stage of goal making – this last stage will reflect on all of your steps that you previously have taken, and like compass, it will show you, if you’re on the right path. Good luck!

PS – I have talked before about the resources, or building blocks to goal achievement, as being your Energy Levels. But one important caveat here, aside from being focused, is the level of your Emotional health. Being calm and overall happy – protecting yourself from unnecessary emotional outbreaks – is another important factor in maintaining your energy resources high. For emotional holes will drain energy quicker than you can say Mississippi.

Stuck in a mode? Try this!

OK so I know there are different modes from which we humans operate:
1.Spiritual
2.Emotional
3.Physical
4.Intellectual

I think it would be fair to tie Spiritual and Physical ; and Emotional and Intellectual into a second team.

If we had a compare how our system works, then our emotions are the Horses that charge forward. Intellect is the horseman in charge of the horses. And then, behind this dynamic duo, there’s a carriage – our physical being. Inside the carriage, there’s Spirit.

Overall it’s an interconnected system. The Spirit is able to communicate to the Mind but not directly to the physical… It is sort of stuck. The mind can make physical changes as a clever Horseman who gets the carriage to the destination of your Spirits wants.

One more interesting thing: when you want to make a mind (and emotions) shut down, you must simply sway the balance by concentrating on purely physical growth. Your spirit will be able to communicate that bodily happiness indirectly (via subconsciousness).

And vice versa, when we need to stop aching physically, then all we need to do us to focus exclusively on the other side of your being : the mind and the emotions.

So now, since we ve just learned about the balance of the system, I want to propose an experiment: try tomorrow to alternate physical and intellectual activities every hour of the day. Let me know what your results were!!!

Yours in power and strength –
Phoenix

When (and how) to talk to your fears

Everyone has fears. Babies have fears. Grown ups have fears. Even animals have fears. Fears are fascinating to me.

Tell me your fears! Fears are rational and irrational – but they run skin-deep! So today I just wanted to share a few tips – as fears can be addressed.

 

You can “talk to your fears” – at night, before bedtime. Night time is a perfect time of day to mitigate your fears by just talking to yourself about doing you fear. For example, you can put that “something” on your calendar and to do list – then close your eyes and just imagine doing it.

Another tip is go on forum and talk to people who are already doing what you want to be doing . This is called “coming close to your fears”. So these are the 2 techniques – talking to your fears and coming close to your fears THE NIGHT BEFORE you do something .

In the morning though you can say Out Loud your affirmations for Affirmations are best repeated in the morning when your minds “identity of self” is still asleep (just like a computer your mind needs to re-load it’s OPERATING system) that’s when you can repeat your affirmations to retain the qualities that you want – the qualities that you are lacking…

So once again: in the morning is the perfect time to add qualities pertaining to your identity. At night the time is perfect to “talk to your fears” about things you are afraid to do; when your action center is “falling asleep”.

I have posted some of my own affirmations on my Affirmations page.

Good luck!

Phoenix.